Coming Home to Your Self

My last post was over 6 months ago. Where have I been you may ask? The date of that last post, June 21, is significant since it was the day that I nearly died. Some of you know the details of my ordeal that brought me to the precipice of life in a body but for those of you who are unfamiliar, I share a cliff notes version at the end of this post.

But as this new year dawns, I choose to move on from the pathos of that ordeal, honoring the therapeutic value of emotional honesty and giving grief its due until it feels adequately acknowledged. I feel ready to reframe this personal tsunami into the grandest perspective possible so that the grace of Infinite Love and Intelligence can disentangle what happened to me from my true identity. You see, I fell deeply into identifying with what I went through. Have you had this experience and know firsthand how you can lose yourself in the overwhelm of a devastating life experience? This crisis of identity is perhaps the most insidious and painful side effect of traumatic losses. And it comes simply from our identity as human bodies which is normal and understandable. Yet, this is not the truth of us, for the reality of our being is not confined to any physical form but seamlessly woven in the threadless tapestry of Life itself.

I resolve to find my way back to this deeper knowing of Life, reacquainting self-awareness with the vast inner landscape of Being Itself, in which spaciousness and choice pervades. That is what I will share in this blog as we navigate this new year. Finding our way back to our true home. Of course, you may say, and you would be right, that there is no place for us to go since we can never really leave our Source as spiritual beings. But that affirmation, although true, belies the relative reality of the mind that wanders into the far-flung reaches of the imagined self that takes its identity from what happens and the meaning it makes of it all. So, we need guardrails on this path that can be treacherous to staying safely within the bounds of our True Nature.

Although there are myriad ways and means of remaining aligned with Truth, categorically we could say they all involve “re-membering.” That is, our innate ability to choose to see differently. Within every situation that challenges us humanly, in which we experience vulnerability and the threat of loss, there is simultaneously the Presence of Life which cannot be limited, obstructed, delayed or destroyed. This is our sanctuary from the storms of life, which remains open and available to us in every moment, whether we remember to go there or not.

Let us start simply by remembering this Truth as often as possible, by affirming it when we find our hearts yearning for a different reality. Let us deepen our identity by cultivating awareness of the “Self That God created needs nothing. It is forever complete, safe, loved..” (ACIM). As Jesus said (who knew a bit about difficulty and human suffering) “there will be trials and tribulations in this world…be of good cheer” because there is indeed an overcoming power available to each and every one of us. This is unassailable truth. No matter how the winds of misfortune may buffet our lives, or the ground may shift beneath our feet, let us remember the rock-solid Truth in which we “live, move and have our being.”

Remembering and feeling into this Truth is like the smell of baking bread, reminding us of the delicious, nutritious goodness that is here, right now, at home.

And it is good to be back, with you, as well (:

Larry

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To Hell and Back

Father’s Day 2020. The circumstances and synchronicities were no less than grace-filled mercies. Preparing to go to Unity of Hawaii and share the message with Denese, I began feeling a bit dizzy. Normally, I would have just stayed home and Denese would have gone in to do the talk. However, we had already shipped our car to the mainland, on the verge of our move to WA, so we needed a ride. The board president, a retired doctor, came to pick us up. He drove Denese to Unity church and thought that I should be checked out in the ER. A CT scan revealed a torn aorta, a condition that left unattended is fatal in 95% of cases. I was immediately prepped for open-heart surgery. I was released after 9 days but had complications, and I was readmitted for more inpatient treatment. There were many weeks of suffering from extreme weakness, difficulty breathing to the point I was unable to even walk across the room without hugging the wall. There was much pain from a severe cough as my lungs struggled to clear the persisting fluid accumulation. There were other consequences and complications as well, including bladder function, that kept me on a catheter for 2 months.

Undoubtedly, this has been the most arduous journey of my life, and I’ve lived through some significant challenges. Honestly, it was hard to keep a positive outlook, especially being told it could take many months to recover. Denese was such a kind, compassionate support person although for her it was so frustrating feeling helpless to alleviate my suffering, though she did all anybody could to comfort and support me.

Updated: New Year's Day, 2021. I am feeling much stronger these past few weeks as the fatigue and weakness are much improved, and I have regained at least half my former strength and energy. I keep busy with handyman projects fixing up our new house in Poulsbo, WA. We live 10 minutes away from our oldest son’s family and are blessed by 2 grandkids, which makes for some potent healing medicine. I am blessed and grateful!