“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”- Anaïs Nin
The above quote captures the push and pull dynamic that launched me to pursue the path of ministry 28 years ago and now again, as I feel it's prod to leave this path.
The promise and peril of the spiritual journey is perhaps least understood and too rarely expounded upon in the wisdom teachings, my own included. Yet, this I know, the impulse to grow and expand is the very essence of our Infinite nature, and it demands growth beyond our comfort zone.
Discomfort marked the wholesale upheaval of my life and that of my family in the early 90s. Then, as now, I became increasingly discontented with my career, feeling out of harmony with my new sense of self that yearns for authentic expression. Ultimately, I recognized this discontent as a calling into ministry as a career path. This was a total heart trip. There was every logical argument to discourage this calling to pursue ministry as a full-time career. And now again, my mind conjures a whole litany of objections to this decision to leave church ministry, the familiarity of a known and practiced path, to the wilderness that beckons but reveals so little of what awaits or offers.
In the clarity that has come since I made this recent decision, I am aware that discomfort had been lying low, kept in check by rationality, and gradually working its way to the surface--- steadily, increasingly uncomfortable.
The guidance is very clear though the future remains clouded. Isn’t this the way of the Infinite? What is certain is yet unclear to human sight. Isn’t this the way of Divine Love? Love as fire that unsparingly gathers and appropriates our fears and doubts as kindling that we might experience light and warmth more satisfying than would ever be realized clinging to the safety of the temporal world.
So, while a part of us lauds practicality, security, predictability, and control, the greater part of us calls us to grow beyond our current sense of self, to experience the deeper and truer recognition and expression of who we have come here to Be. And, Spirit is no respecter of limitations and loves us so much that it relentlessly, unsparingly pushes us to be more of Itself.
So, I will leave the nest and learn to fly unfettered and unidentified with this role of expression, trusting the One that has pushed me out of comfortable perches in the past, will guide me unerringly even closer to finding authenticity on this path that leads me home. And may it be so for you as well.
Peace and blessings,
Rev. Larry
Larry, your gentle yet courageous authenticity in seeking peace has led to many chapters along the way. Many quite luminous! At the rate you are writing new chapters, it may become a multi-volume set. I look forward to your new adventures in spirit and love.
Marc Remis
Blessings with God's speed to go forward moment by moment and in the Now. David
Anais Nin also wrote, “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”
This may seem like a decision birthed from courage, but after 28 years of being “in service,” it seems like high time for well-deserved dreamtime and exploration, wherever that may lead.
As you journey forward, behind you are the Spirits, Hearts and Minds you have enlightened and expanded, throughout those years, that are applauding in gratitude and support.
I hope you continue to blog your journey, as your insights, as always, are inspirational and poignant.
In Gratitude,
Hope-Denée Fortier
You are a brave warrior and a wonderful example to me of how to live and grow. Wishing you all the best in your new path, wherever that leads you, my friend.