The object of love matters not. That we love, is vital. This is the antidote to suffering.
We have been living with a global pandemic for nearly a year now and each day we receive grim statistics that document ever-increasing losses that this sweeping blight has levied on the human population. Losses small and large, from inconveniences to death of loved ones, every human has endured some portion of the toll. Seen from the broadest perspective, this democratization of loss makes for a global spiritual advantage. While spiritual perspectives are not foisted upon us, difficult circumstances can spark an inner search for meaning and purpose when the outer view offers no such solace.
When Oscar Wilde, at the height of his fame and success, was sentenced to hard labor prison for homosexuality, he understandably became desperate to make some meaning and purpose out of his devastating fate. He could not find comfort in reason, as the laws that condemned him were cruel and unjust. Nonetheless, he knew that he had to make what had befallen him, right with him. Wilde shared this epiphany from his cell in a letter entitled, De Profundis in which he wrote:
I have got to make everything that has happened to me good for me. The plank bed, the loathsome food, … the menial offices with which each day begins and finishes, the harsh orders that routine seems to necessitate, the dreadful dress that makes sorrow grotesque to look at, the silence, the solitude, the shame — each and all of these things I have to transform into a spiritual experience. There is not a single degradation of the body which I must not try and make into a spiritualising of the soul.
Wilde recognized a choice in his devastating situation, a choice that is available to every person by virtue of our meta-human capacity, a choice to transmute suffering into a profound acceptance that transcended victimhood and resistance. Acceptance does not require justification, which is why mind chatter often stymies our capacity to accept what is perceived as unfair or unacceptable. Acceptance is a tendril of deep love, an ability made possible by a capacious heart enlarged and made more embracing by opening, rather than contracting, in the presence of difficulty.
There is a season for rising up against injustice, for resisting what offends or hurts our sensibilities because this arises out of our essential humanity and it serves to preserve personal and societal wellbeing. However, there are situations and conditions which we cannot affect no matter the strength of our resolve or the vigor of our actions. Faced with such circumstances, wisdom prompts us to cross the threshold of acceptance which leads to the sanctuary of peace.
As many of us have learned through this pandemic, and other life losses/lessons, there is no peace of mind in clinging to life on our terms. The vicissitudes of life do not conform to our preferences rather have a life of their own, shrouded in mystery, and offer endless opportunities to test the depth of our faith. When we lose something we love, we have the human need to grieve, and that is right and good. However, we must not sink into the errant belief that what we love is the source of love, or the grief will never abate. It is our capacity to love that cannot be diminished or lost and that is how we transmute suffering. There is life after loss because there is love after loss. We can gradually accept the new reality and find new outlets for our appreciation, even hidden blessings that necessary losses now reveal in plainer sight. Jesus knew this and exhorted us to give up the ephemeral and embody the changeless love that is our divine nature, when he said, “those who seek to save their life will lose it, and those who give up their life will find it.”
Every bud and emerging shoot that breaks forth in the spring landscape came through requisite season of loss and dormancy without losing awareness of its ever-present life force. Seasons of change and loss do not deny or diminish this essential life force in us either.
In this temporal world, forms come and go, that is just what is. Who and what we truly are, remains. So again, the object of love matters not. That we love, is vital to our wellbeing.
And so it is.
Larry
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