Pelicans and the Deeper Dive

“…my personal search for deeper knowing is often confounded by some innate safeguards that keep me close to the surface.”

The irony of my first remarkable observation on the early days of my Mexico retreat seems share worthy.

I came here alone, to renew acquaintance with a deeper knowing. Duty, pace and schedules had kept me on the surface of perception and my heart ached to remember what could only be fathomed at depth.

As I settled into the sand for my first sit, staring at the surf on the Sea of Cortez, a flock of brown pelicans crossed my gaze and took to diving one after another into the surf. Perhaps I had seen this in a singular event on a prior occasion, but this was dozens of these enormous birds taking aim at what was not mine to observe, and plunge incautiously again and again. As they bobbed to the surface and flapped to free their sea-logged wings, I could see no evidence that they had gained from the impressive dive. No fish in the bill that would say, I caught what I just risked my neck for.  I mused on the thought; are they just having fun, putting on a show? My speculation was pre-Google search, like so much misinformation that lives briefly in imagination and conjecture, before a cold splash of intelligence collapses all probabilities (and improbabilities) into factual understanding.

A bit dismayed to give up my theory of nonsensical play (which I was committed to exploring myself here) but cheered to hear that these pelicans are quite intentional and skillful fishers. What escaped my untrained observation is that fish get scooped up in the pelican’s voluminous pouch (gular) that, like a big net, makes it possible to gather in their prey without pinpoint accuracy.

As I continued to watch this extraordinary diving exhibition, and especially that this was happening in the wild, I was struck by how shallow these very large and heavy creatures managed to remain, despite diving at high speeds (Factoids say 40 mph) And, despite their ability to shape shift into a slim arrow like form before breaking the surface.  A bit more research revealed that they have a bunch of air sacks in their neck and abdomen that can be “used as a flotation device in the event of a water landing.”  Much better than floatation cushions and obviously invented some 30 million years before the airlines.

So what you may ask does all of this ornithology have to do with my search for depth. Just this; my personal search for deeper knowing is often confounded by some innate safeguards that keep me close to the surface. I have found there is both promise and peril in this exploration. The promise I sense is the treasure beyond the dimensional limitation of mere sense-perception; that there is much more to Reality than the surface appearances. This impulse to know the deeper domain is the promise that relentlessly spurs me to dive.  But then the peril of “going below” so often stops me. These depths are largely unchartered, shrouded in ominous mystery. And lurking in the darkness are my shadow selves, those disowned aspects, known to be volatile, emotional depth charges that I am loathed to disturb. These fears act like the air sacs of the Pelican, except that the Pelican gets what it is really after in the shallows, but if I am to be fully nourished by my dive, it must go to the depths.  I ponder this conundrum; I welcome new resolve to deflate surface-clinging apprehensions. I sit with the paradox, weighing the cost-benefit syllogism that entangles mind and heart. I remember that courage is found en route, not fully formed before the journey begins.  I recall also the encouragement of the hero’s journey as Joseph Campbell described it:

We have not even to risk the adventure alone for the heroes of all time have gone before us. The labyrinth is thoroughly known … we have only to follow the thread of the hero path. And where we had thought to find an abomination we shall find a God.

I resolve to stay present to the call to dive deeper, trusting that the God that calls me to know my whole, unlimited Self, can provide both the will and the way that takes me there.

So be it.

-ls