The Joy of Winter

“In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer “– Jesus

This is our third winter living in the Pacific Northwest, so we are becoming a bit more accustomed to the cold and gray days of this season of diminishing light. The look and feel of the external world nowadays is such a dramatic contrast to the bright, colorful, and extended light of summer that drew us outside at every opportunity to bathe in the warm sun and enjoy the profuse display of nature's artistry. If one is swayed by externals then summer days make it easy to be happy, while winter days present a major challenge to one’s mood. I would like to profess that my demeanor is immune to the influences of the outer world, but that’s not entirely true yet. But I do celebrate growth in this area, as more and more I find capacity for acceptance, equanimity, and even an embrace of “what is” when life does not match my preferences.

This ability to be with whatever arises in life and not be diminished or inflated by externals has come at some cost. It has cost the loss of a singular identification with the body-mind sense of self. The body-mind is in a constant state of seeking and avoidance. Seeking what is pleasurable, and aversion to what is undesirable. It struck me recently how fickle such an identity really is and how its relentless need to manipulate life circumstances in order to be satisfied is essentially crazy-making. If we take this body-mind to be our true self, where does seeking end? Where and when will lasting satisfaction ever be realized? If you’ll forgive an outdated reference, the dynamic of seeking and not finding is like the Pac-man game, which involved endless gobbling and elusive fulfillment. Can you relate?

Jesus recognized the short-sightedness of this approach to life and extolled the virtue of “not judging by appearances” but turning within to the “kingdom of heaven” that is ever-present and unconditionally available. He emphasized the shift from suffering to well-being that occurs when the “prodigal” turns around and heads home. Of course, this is metaphorical and suggests that the pursuit of external, objective satisfaction will only prolong our suffering because it's rooted in a sense of not enough, incompleteness, and dissatisfaction. To the sense of a separate self, there can be no quantity that fulfills. The mind however would argue conversely and thus keep us on the hamster wheel chasing after our preferences, ad infinitum.

When Jesus made the seemingly odd statement that trials and tribulations could lead us to “good cheer” he was not exhorting some kind of spiritual bypassing notion that ignores the problem and summarily calls it good. He was pointing us inward to discover the being that we truly are, that is immune to the vagaries of the human experience, invulnerable to cold and dark days. The truth of us is that we are “the light of the world” as Jesus described us. That “light” is the capacity to observe, to see, to know. It is the consciousness that lies back of the objects that steal our attention and have us believing we are what we observe (body, mind, feelings, memories, etc.) instead of remaining aware of consciousness or presence-awareness as our true, natural self.

When I remain in the seat of awareness, I can witness the coming and going of circumstances including thoughts, feelings, opinions, commentary, and the like without being diminished or changed. In truth, we have a sense of continuity and stability amid the changes we observe. Even through changes in beliefs, preferences, and reactivity, the seer of these changes remains unmoving, unchanging in its observation mode. Becoming more aware of who we truly are (presence-awareness) is often a progressive realization that may be fostered initially by negation of what is false. When we sit in observation, we will see that the body changes over time, thoughts and feelings certainly change, beliefs shift, and memories come and go. All these temporal elements of what we have taken ourselves to be, demonstrate that what notices these changes remains unchanged. The “you” that has always been present, that inner sense of existence, your “I amness” has witnessed the comings and goings, and yet remains unmoved, unaffected, whole and self-fulfilled through all the changes.

When life is going our way, we may live happily on the surface and never investigate this inner sense of being. When dark days appear there is motive and means to look for the light that remains hidden from ordinary observation (appearances) and can be the catalyst that turns us around to uncover the illumination of our essential nature within. This is the profound paradox of Truth, the silver lining of difficulty, the Joy of Winter. It may be counter instinctual but our hearts have the capacity to invite the Light into our experience. The Light is not apart from us so there is no need to change or self-improve, only to allow what is essential to us to shine forth. “Let there be light” is an invitation to see through the single eye of Truth and Oneness and Wholeness. As Robert Browning so powerfully observed, “to know consists in opening out a way whence the imprisoned splendor may escape, than in effecting entry for a light supposed to be without.”

Wishing you all never-ending seasons of light, peace, and joy.

Rev. Larry