Vulnerability to me is like broccoli. I really don’t like it, but I know its good for me. Denese loves broccoli so she’s happy to serve it without reservation at any meal. I, on the other hand, must psych myself up to ingest the cruciferous, foul-smelling stalks of acclaimed nutritional gold. It’s a matter of enduring the distaste for the promise of a future benefit. While my taste buds are offended the rest of my body, I’m told, is in celebration of this valiant act, where, in this microcosmic example, wisdom triumphs over pleasure.
Just as I want my body to enjoy good health, I want to be happy and peaceful as can be. Knowing the spiritual truths is not enough. If it were, we’d all be happy and peaceful by now since we’ve been soaking in the scriptures and bathed in Wisdom most of our lives. It's not what we don’t know that costs us our sense of wellbeing, it’s what we know that isn’t so! While we live and move and have our being in Divine Presence, we are simultaneously holding beliefs that ensure that the Truth that could free us is kept at a distance. For example, I can’t maintain that God is Infinite Love and believe that my partner is responsible for the lovelessness I feel. (except when forcing me to eat broccoli… or wait…maybe that’s her loving me?)
If I really want to get healthy, happy and free, then I’m going to have to pull up my big boy pants and become radically curious about the source of my discomfort and the source of my wellbeing. This is the broccoli (name your most disliked veggie) diet for mature spiritual seekers. It has a name and a philosophy. It’s called Emotional Intelligence.
Emotional intelligence (aka EQ) has risen to the top of the leaderboard. Its importance, once relegated to the esoteric purview of psycho-spiritual circles, has become a mainstream topic and vital metric from the “bedroom to the boardroom.” When the incoming CEO of Microsoft made one of his first acts to ask the company’s top executives to read Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication, it is clear the rewards of emotional intelligence is finding validation and credibility in the practical world of business and profitability.
In simplest terms, emotional intelligence is an awareness of one’s emotions and empathy for others. Sounds good, right? Wouldn’t we all sign on for those qualities and practices. Turns out the threshold is higher in practice than seen from the point of intention. This is due to a prerequisite condition called vulnerability. To many of us, vulnerability is something we’ve avoided (like broccoli) because not knowing the profound benefits we viewed it as weakness or helplessness. But the truth about vulnerability is it is a threshold to our most desired states of being. Renowned contemporary author on this topic, Brene Brown says “Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. “
The question becomes what would you not risk for love, belonging and joy? It has become increasingly apparent at the personal and global level that a lack of awareness of our needs and the needs of others has brought us to tragic states of discord. It seems that unless we become more comfortable with the discomfort of vulnerability, we are steeling ourselves against a hopeful future and ensuring a life of greater suffering.
EQ and the vulnerability it asks of us can be taken in small bites. Then the poignant inquiry that follows; Did he/she cause this irritation? Or was it my reaction, the story/the meaning I added to what they did? Little by little, we can dismantle the beliefs that falsely place the source of our discomfort and the source of our wellbeing outside of ourselves. With time and practice, it gets easier to take a little bigger bite. As we begin to realize more joy, happiness and a greater sense of connection, we embrace the mature perspective that the reward outweighs the risk.
I am hopeful that I can become a bit more vulnerable each day as I gradually realize the life I truly want is waiting across the chasm that my willingness and courage can carry me. How about you? Share your thoughts in the comment section below?
Peace and blessings,
Larry
Comments